… “We need a toilet with a big … capacity,” he boomed.

I went crimson. “We have a dog,” I added hastily. …

Kate of Late – Talking about the big white telephone

… Another of the crazy things folks get up to on the left coast of Canada. I told them to get a robo-dog in the first place.

“The sad thing is, I like it” – Maurice Sendak

“The perfect gift to give a child or grandchild for their high school or college graduation.

Also Father’s Day.

Also, other times.”

- Stephen Colbert

Tom Hanks narrates the audio. It arrives in stores May 8th.

Amazon

“LITERALLY UNBELIEVABLE“
Stories from The Onion as interpreted by Facebook

Here’s a sample Onion post, with some of the responses beneath.

original

Click PLAY or watch it on YouTube.

Students will be voting Obama in November.

(via Kottke)

… Before every show, Stephen visits the green room and tells that evening’s guest the same thing: “My character’s an idiot. Your job is to set him straight.”

The 100 Most Influential People in the World

The greatest comedian in the world today.

I couldn’t contain my glee watching Newfoundland know-it-all Rex Murphy kick the Toronto Maple Leafs while they are down. On National TV.

Click PLAY or watch it on YouTube.

… 45 years out of the finals – longer than it took the trees to grow, that supplied them the wood, to make the hockey sticks, they don’t score with. …

transcript

Ouch.

This mockery almost made me forget that my Calgary Flames failed to make the play-offs. Again. And that the Edmonton Oilers finished last. Again.

But the most recent TAL came as a big surprise.

Turns out that many times it’s the politicians hounding the lobbyists to make decisions. And write legislation. Not the other way around.

As always, well worth a listen …

This American Life BROADCAST: MAR-30-12

For anyone who has ever heard the term “Washington insider” and felt outside — we are with you. So this week, we go inside the rooms where the deals get made, to the actual moment that the checks change hands — and we ask the people writing and receiving the checks what, exactly, is the money buying?

Things are getting worse, by the way. Ever since the right leaning Supreme Court ruled on the 2010 Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission decision.

They decided that Political action committees (PACs) may accept unlimited contributions from individuals, unions, and corporations (both for profit and not-for-profit) for the purpose of making independent expenditures for and against politicians.

The best commentary on that idiotic decision was by comedian Stephen Colbert. He set up his own SuperPAC. Then had Jon Stewart (his boss) run it. Independently.

Here’s one of the TV ads paid for by Colbert’s SuperPAC. Mitt Romney is a serial killer.

Click PLAY or watch it on YouTube.

… the 2010 book 101 Places Not to See Before You Die, by Catherine Price. Price says in her introduction that she wrote this amusing guide as an antidote to all the other advice out there re: primo activities.

Number one on her list of what not to see is Missoula, Montana’s Testicle Festival, where 15,000 people gather every year to munch on the bull calf testicles euphemistically known as “Rocky Mountain oysters.” Apparently the event also features a game called Bull—- Bingo, where somebody wins money every time a bull lays a turd down on a giant bingo card. There must be something wrong with me – this actually sounds like a good time. …

read more – And here’s me without even a bucket

testyfesty.com

Other winning entries include: “A Vomitorium”, or being stuck on “The Top of Mount Washington in A Snowstorm”, or landing on “Jupiter’s Worst Moon”

Read Mad.

Once Rick Mercer rants, you’re done in this country.

Click PLAY or watch it on YouTube.

Not all of that is true, by the way.

But I’m happy to see the normally stupefied and inert Canadian public pay attention to this issue.

I’ve recently used the internet in totalitarian police States like China and Italy. We don’t want that here.

The right wing ‘tough on crime’ agenda does not work. They need to focus on eliminating the causes of crime.

(via Geist)