Category: humour

new words – Washington Post Style Invitational

On By Rick McIn humourLeave a comment

OK, the Oxford words of the year were boring.

But these are GREAT. New words and definitions submitted by readers of the Washington Post.

(it’s been circulated by email under the title Washington Post Mensa Invitational, though Mensa is not involved in any way.)

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

Washington Post Mensa Invitational?

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The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

Style Invitational – Washington Post

Thanks George.

Big-Idea Book Generator

On By Rick McIn books, humourLeave a comment

Downtown Ronnie is already a Canadian Best Selling Author (over 60 copies sold). Now he’s considering using Wired Magazine’s Big-Idea Book Generator to decide his next title.

It’s a sure fire Web 2.0 authoring system. Tips like this:

Hint: Before taking it to a publisher, pitch your Big Idea to Robert Scoble over an online telelunch. If he’s blogged 16 entries and started four businesses based on it by dinner, you’ve got a winner.

On the internet people can only scan a maximum of 3 steps:

1. Create a title-as-theory
2. Subtitle it!
3. Pick a premise.

st_bigidea_f.jpg

Concoct a Best-Seller With Wired’s Patent-Pending Big-Idea Book Generator

Oxford Word Of The Year: Locavore

On By Rick McIn food, humourLeave a comment

The past year saw the popularization of a trend in using locally grown ingredients, taking advantage of seasonally available foodstuffs that can be bought and prepared without the need for extra preservatives.

The “locavore” movement encourages consumers to buy from farmers’ markets or even to grow or pick their own food, arguing that fresh, local products are more nutritious and taste better. Locavores also shun supermarket offerings as an environmentally friendly measure, since shipping food over long distances often requires more fuel for transportation. …

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photo – A Locavore’s Night Out

Runners-up for the 2007 Word of the Year include:

aging in place: the process of growing older while living in one’s own residence, instead of having to move to a new home or community

bacn: email notifications, such as news alerts and social networking updates, that are considered more desirable than unwanted “spam” (coined at PodCamp Pittsburgh in Aug. 2007 and popularized in the blogging community)

cloudware: online applications, such as webmail, powered by massive data storage facilities, also called “cloud servers”

colony collapse disorder: a still-unexplained phenomenon resulting in the widespread disappearance of honeybees from beehives, first observed in late 2006

cougar: an older woman who romantically pursues younger men (Call me, Demi, please.)

MRAP vehicle: Mine Resistant Ambush Protected vehicle, designed to protect troops from improvised explosive devices (IEDs)

mumblecore: an independent film movement featuring low-budget production, non-professional actors, and largely improvised dialogue

previvor: a person who has not been diagnosed with a form of cancer but has survived a genetic predisposition for cancer

social graph: the network of one’s friends and connections on social websites such as Facebook and Myspace

tase (or taze): to stun with a Taser (popularized by a Sep. 2007 incident in which a University of Florida student was filmed being stunned by a Taser at a public forum)

upcycling: the transformation of waste materials into something more useful or valuable

Oxford Word Of The Year: Locavore : OUPblog

ZENN – zero emission, no noise – VEHICLE

On By Rick McIn humour, product endorsementsLeave a comment

The Canadian electric car is not dead.

ZENN (zero emission, no noise) is a 2-seat battery electric vehicle currently in production and built by ZENN Motor Company designed to qualify as a Neighborhood Electric Vehicle. It has a range of up to 35 miles (56km) and does not exceed 25mph (40km/h). It has a curb weight of 1,705 lb (773.4 kg).

Electric power is stored in 6 12V lead-acid gel batteries, which has recharge cycle of 8-9 hours.

ZENN – Wikipedia

Another hilarious video by comedian Rick Mercer on YouTube.

(via Love in a Tent)

book – A Piano in the Pyrenees

On By Rick McIn books, humour, product endorsements, travelLeave a comment

I am on a reading listening binge. (Thanks to Audible.com and hours each day on my bike with a Nano.)

The Ups and Downs of an Englishman in the French Mountains

A Piano in the Pyrenees: The Ups and Downs of an Englishman in the French Mountains

What? He’s not the world’s most famous skateboarder.

He’s Antony Gordon Hawksworth, better known as Tony Hawks, English comedian, author and philanthropist.

I loved his first book — Round Ireland with a Fridge and somewhat liked his second book — Playing the Moldovans at Tennis.

Piano is his fourth book. And it is excellent. I love the amusing, understated British humour.

A Brit out of his element in rural France after impetuously buying a house. Brilliant.

PS

A guy named Dave Nicoll also liked Round Ireland with a Fridge. Inspired, he decided to travel round the WORLD with a fridge.

funny video – Obama, Clinton or Gore?

On By Rick McIn geek babes, humourLeave a comment

They let these people vote?

We should rescind universal suffrage.

Al Gore sure has been in the news a lot lately First he won an Oscar, then a Nobel Peace Prize, and now some people are saying he should throw in his lot with another bid for President. But up against juggernaut Hillary Clinton and the favorite of the stars, Barack Obama, would Al Gore stand a chance? We decided to ask people in the one place we were SURE Gore would get the thumbs up: San Francisco.

Mahalo Daily

Personally I think Obama has Mitt Romney right where he wants him.

Something has to happen to derail Hillary, though. Perhaps another of Bill’s indiscretions will come to light at just the right time.

Obama announced he was in favour of Net Neutrality the other day while visiting Google.