Humour columnist Kate Zimmerman is on holiday with her family. She literally mailed in her latest article.

… Puerto Vallarta is glorious. It was made even more so by reports that Edmonton had posted its lowest temperature ever, at minus 47. We Canadians get a whole lot of schadenfreude for our tropical vacation buck. Our travel ads should probably use it as a lure. “Your package includes complementary continental breakfasts and bottomless delight in the abject misery of those you’ve left behind.” …

Her husband, Stanley let’s call him, is once again the foil of her jibes. Who does she think he is, Homer Simpson?

… Puerto Vallarta fulfilled his wildest dreams when he discovered a restaurant where a half-blind bartender mixed a regular vodka martini, the only thing he drinks, with about six ounces of vodka.

He was already on his way to becoming the Canadian version of National Lampoon’s bumbling Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase). The first day, the Mexican man at the front desk of our condo building introduced himself to us as “Juan José.” Repeating what he thought was the man’s name, Stanley said, “Nice to meet you, Juan Hossein,” remarking to us later that Middle Eastern employees must be rare in Puerto Vallarta.

That night he dove wholeheartedly into the vodka (“Vitamin V,” as he calls his beloved tipple). As the evening progressed, four local musicians approached our table, offering to serenade us with their acoustic guitars and bongos.

“Play something for the young people,” Stanley said grandly, indicating our teenagers. “Perhaps some Nirvana.” … Not that our children are remotely interested in Nirvana. The alternative band fronted by Kurt Cobain (1967-1994) was just the most contemporary group that tipsy Stanley could think of at the time. Vitamin V is like that. And Stanley is even more like that. …

This article is not yet posted online. But it will be linked from Kate’s blog soon.

Update: Ron and Kate Skyped me. … They could have simply emailed, but Skype video was more effective in displaying the beauty of their Pacific Ocean balcony view. Paradise.

I showed them the frozen Canadian wasteland outside my window.