Consulting – despair.com
do you work with consultants?
Consulting – despair.com
Category: humour
Mad TV – Feist Apple iPod spoof
Leslie Feist, who grew up in Calgary, is nominated for a Grammy. She’s big time in part because her song was featured in an Apple TV commercial.
With so many considering getting an iPod or iPhone over the holidays, here’s a timely spoof.
Click PLAY or watch it on YouTube.
get your Java fix on a bike
Just because I broke my hand last year riding a bike, carrying a Slurpee, doesn’t mean drinking hot coffee while riding is a bad idea
Morning Rush Coffee Mug & Holder. Take away the spills and thrills of riding with coffee.
Stainless steel mug holder ring mounts to mountain bike or road bars. Stainless steel commuter mug holds up to 16 oz. of coffee or tea. Slide button lid means you can open the cap and take a swig with one hand. Mount is from Cat Eye, so in the evening you can replace it with a Cat Eye HL-500II headlight if you so desire.
(via Uncooped)
Smart Cycle from Fisher-Price
Engadget humorously sends up a “fitness” Christmas present:
if you’re going to make children go through all the trouble of freakin’ exercise to obtain your sinister educational wares, we say you’ve gone too far. The new $100 Fisher-Price Smart Cycle … plugs directly into a television and allows its unwitting pupils to hop aboard the bike, fire away at the pedals, and attempt to steer into items on screen such as letters or numbers in an arcade-style racing game. Mattel even trotted out Richard Simmons to show off the wares
Smart Cycle from Fisher-Price corrupts our youth, must be stopped – Engadget
Motivation
Motivation – despair.com
do you have a doppelwanker?
One of the best posts yet on the Great Kate blog:
I recently deduced that everybody needs a doppelwanker.
This is not someone who resembles you closely and haunts you like a ghost. That, according to the Germans, is a doppelganger. Rather, a doppelwanker is someone who is as foolish as you are in the exact same ways that you are foolish. Sometimes you get along with this person famously and sometimes you don’t.
Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell are doppelwankers who make a point of clashing. Have you ever noticed that they look exactly the same except that Rosie’s hair is dark and Donald’s is fair? They both have beefy faces and small, mean mouths.
Just as important to their doppelwankery, however, is the fact that they are equally obnoxious attention hogs, which is most evident when they rip each other apart in public. Will they ever drop the pretext of hatred and become the fast friends they ought to have always been? Probably, and we’ll be asked to watch a reality show about it — they’ll marry and each will attempt to convert the other to his or her peculiar way of thinking. I look forward to reading about vast mutual bloodshed. …
… read the rest – Kate of Late: Updating the wan and ghostly doppelwanker
Kate just added a few other of her humour articles.
new words – Washington Post Style Invitational
OK, the Oxford words of the year were boring.
But these are GREAT. New words and definitions submitted by readers of the Washington Post.
(it’s been circulated by email under the title Washington Post Mensa Invitational, though Mensa is not involved in any way.)
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
====
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words:
1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
Style Invitational – Washington Post
Thanks George.
Big-Idea Book Generator
Downtown Ronnie is already a Canadian Best Selling Author (over 60 copies sold). Now he’s considering using Wired Magazine’s Big-Idea Book Generator to decide his next title.
It’s a sure fire Web 2.0 authoring system. Tips like this:
Hint: Before taking it to a publisher, pitch your Big Idea to Robert Scoble over an online telelunch. If he’s blogged 16 entries and started four businesses based on it by dinner, you’ve got a winner.
On the internet people can only scan a maximum of 3 steps:
1. Create a title-as-theory
2. Subtitle it!
3. Pick a premise.
Concoct a Best-Seller With Wired’s Patent-Pending Big-Idea Book Generator
Oxford Word Of The Year: Locavore
The past year saw the popularization of a trend in using locally grown ingredients, taking advantage of seasonally available foodstuffs that can be bought and prepared without the need for extra preservatives.
The “locavore” movement encourages consumers to buy from farmers’ markets or even to grow or pick their own food, arguing that fresh, local products are more nutritious and taste better. Locavores also shun supermarket offerings as an environmentally friendly measure, since shipping food over long distances often requires more fuel for transportation. …
photo – A Locavore’s Night Out
Runners-up for the 2007 Word of the Year include:
aging in place: the process of growing older while living in one’s own residence, instead of having to move to a new home or community
bacn: email notifications, such as news alerts and social networking updates, that are considered more desirable than unwanted “spam” (coined at PodCamp Pittsburgh in Aug. 2007 and popularized in the blogging community)
cloudware: online applications, such as webmail, powered by massive data storage facilities, also called “cloud servers”
colony collapse disorder: a still-unexplained phenomenon resulting in the widespread disappearance of honeybees from beehives, first observed in late 2006
cougar: an older woman who romantically pursues younger men (Call me, Demi, please.)
MRAP vehicle: Mine Resistant Ambush Protected vehicle, designed to protect troops from improvised explosive devices (IEDs)
mumblecore: an independent film movement featuring low-budget production, non-professional actors, and largely improvised dialogue
previvor: a person who has not been diagnosed with a form of cancer but has survived a genetic predisposition for cancer
social graph: the network of one’s friends and connections on social websites such as Facebook and Myspace
tase (or taze): to stun with a Taser (popularized by a Sep. 2007 incident in which a University of Florida student was filmed being stunned by a Taser at a public forum)
upcycling: the transformation of waste materials into something more useful or valuable
ZENN – zero emission, no noise – VEHICLE
The Canadian electric car is not dead.
ZENN (zero emission, no noise) is a 2-seat battery electric vehicle currently in production and built by ZENN Motor Company designed to qualify as a Neighborhood Electric Vehicle. It has a range of up to 35 miles (56km) and does not exceed 25mph (40km/h). It has a curb weight of 1,705 lb (773.4 kg).
Electric power is stored in 6 12V lead-acid gel batteries, which has recharge cycle of 8-9 hours.
Another hilarious video by comedian Rick Mercer on YouTube.
(via Love in a Tent)
Rick McCharles 